


Oops, We Gotta Hide the Body

by DeadHooligan



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Cussing, Don't Examine This Too Closely, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 07:09:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16321523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadHooligan/pseuds/DeadHooligan
Summary: It's been months after Bayonetta and Samus have gotten together. It's also been a couple of months after the two after adopted Lucas as their son. Wanting to teach her son important skills, Bayonetta goes outside with Lucas in order to teach him how to shoot someone down despite Samus not wanting this at all.





	Oops, We Gotta Hide the Body

"Alright, Lucas, you know why I took you outside," Bayonetta said as she began to pull out one of her guns, Love is Blue. Lucas nodded as he looked up at her.

"Yeah, you want me shoot something," Lucas replied.

"That's my boy. Here you go. Don't tell your other mother. This is just between us."

Bayonetta handed Love is Blue to Lucas as he eargly took it. She stood behind her adopted son, bending down to reach to his level. She helped keep Lucas's arms extended as he held the gun, pointing it forward. His fingers were not on the trigger, but they were ready to move to do so. Bayonetta looked around, looking for something for Lucas to shoot out. She knew regular practice was done with glass bottles and cans, but she knew Lucas was not a pussy. He could shoot something alive down.

"You see anything you could shoot at to kill?"

Lucas looked around. His eyes soon targeted on a blackbird that sat on a branch. She looked over there, also studying it. It was fat as fuck from what she could see. From what she saw, it would take some time for it to lift off, but that was just assuming it could even fly. For Lucas, it would be easy enough to shoot and kill, but it was pretty easy to make it look like the bird wasn't shot after some minutes of work to it.

"That fat ass bird!" Lucas exclaimed.

"Good, but don't use that language around your other mother. I'm chill with it though," Bayonetta answered.

"Alright, aim first then put your finger on the trigger. Don't make any loud noise to scare it away."

Lucas nodded as she spoke, moving Love is Blue around to aim perfectly. He squinted his eyes, trying to get a perfect aim. Bayonetta also moved his arms around, helping Lucas aim good enough at the bird. Soon, he had a perfect aim on the blackbird. She kept an eye on the bird for a second longer, seeing if it was going to move. It seemed frozen in place on the branch. She looked at Lucas.

"Go on, Lucas. Do it."

Lucas quickly placed his finger on the trigger. As he was about to shoot, Bayonetta took her hands off of Lucas's arms. She covered his ears before the shot was fired. As it was fired, Lucas stumbled back. Bayonetta took her hands off of Lucas's ears and helped him not fall down. The two looked up as they heard a loud gunshot and a bird-like screech. Lucas looked over at Bayonetta, smirking. Bayonetta smirked back.

"I think I got it," Lucas said.

"Hell yeah you did," she responded.

"What is going on here?" the two suddenly heard.

Lucas and Bayonetta looked behind them. They flinched as Lucas dropped Love is Blue from his hands. Samus made her way over to the two of them, confused as hell. It seemed as she already heard the gun going off, and it was pretty easy for her to connect the dots to what happened. 

"What the fuck, Bayo? I thought I told you to not teach him shit like this!" Samus shouted at Bayonetta.

"This was for the better, Samus! If Lucas is now my kid, then he must know the way of shooting down some bitch. What if he needs to shoot a bitch?" she defended herself.

"Why would he need to shoot down a bitch? Give me an example of a fighter for this sitiuation," Samus pointed out.

"Ness," answered Bayonetta.

"Villager," added Lucas.

"Okay, fair enough, but like, what did you even shoot out? You don't know who else is this forest. For all we know, the whole damn roster could be here, waiting to be shot," she explained.

"We just shot at some bird," he told Samus.

"Well, it was just a bird, which is kinda rude, but I'll allow it."

"Wanna see it? It shouldn't be that far from here," Lucas questioned.

"You know you want to see it, bitch," Bayonetta commented.

"Fine," she sighed.

The three started to go toward to where the bird was supposedly at. Samus pushed all the lower branches that were in the way, clearing a path for both Lucas and Bayonetta as they led the way to where the dead bird was. Soon, they approached exactly below the branch where the bird was on. The three looked around before their eyes laid on the same thing.

"Holy shit, you killed Pit!" Samus shouted.

"Oh, hey, I got a ready good shot. I aimed straight at the head like you told me to," Lucas gasped.

"While it's pretty impressive, I think we have a problem now," Bayonetta said.

Pit's body was on the ground, bleeding out from the head. The bullet seemed to go straight his head, having an exit wound on the other side of his head. His whole face seemed to be covered in his blood as his wings were both stiking out, stiffened. Bayonetta could have sworn there was some brain matter in the mix, but it was hard to tell from the distance she was at. Plus, all the blood already gushed out seemed to be covering it if it was there.

"What the hell are we going to do?" Samus muttered.

"Can't we just hide the body?" suggested Lucas.

"No, we sh-"

"That's genius, Lucas. Get the shovel and axe!" Bayonetta exclaimed.

"Okay!" Lucas shouted as he started to run off, ready to go hide the body of Pit.

"You know, if I didn't love you, I wouldn't do this, but god damnit, you're my girlfriend and he's my son. I can't skip out on this," Samus told Bayonetta.

Bayonetta asked, "So you're going to help hide Pit's body with us?"

"Fuck yeah I am. This is a family activity we can do together. I can't miss this."

"Well, we should probably hurry up on digging up a place for this. Palutena's going to lose her shit over this if she finds out Pit's dead," Bayonetta suggested.

"You're right. It's also getting pretty late," Samus said.

Lucas came back running with a sharp-looking axe and two shovels. He carried them over before dropping the two shovels in front of Samus and Bayonetta. Lucas still held the axe in his hands. Even if it was a little heavy for him, Lucas seemed to be able to hold it with no problem. Bayonetta and Samus both grabbed a shovel.

"We'll dig some place to put the body. Lucas, you cut the body up to make it easier to hide the body. Be careful to not cut yourself though," Bayonetta instructed.

Samus added, "Also, don't get that much blood on yourself if you can. It's hard to wash out blood."

"You got it!" Lucas said as he walked over to Pit's body, holding up the axe near one of the limbs.

Bayonetta and Samus both walked off, digging a hole in a spot that wasn't in the open, but also not too cramp. They took turns digging out as much dirt as they could, tossing it to the side to cover the hole. She watched as Samus dug out some of the dirt from the forming hole. As Bayonetta stared, she realized why she loved Samus in the first place. She always wanted a woman who could hide a body with her and be chill with it. Hell, it even looked like she was experienced with digging holes to put bodies in. Bayonetta would ask about it, but she decided to save it for later. This wasn't the time.

As the two dug out dirt, night started to appear around them. The sky was getting darker with every inch they dug deep. Bayonetta and Samus dug faster, knowing they needed to make the hole deep enough. They didn't want anyone to discover it for a long time. They wanted at least two years to pass before someone found Pit's body. They wanted it to be long enough in order for the three of them to not be a suspect. Plus, for their next family activity, they could try framing someone else for Pit's disappearance. Bayonetta's bets on who to frame was Dark Pit or Simon. That would be fun for her to do.

The hole soon was about seven feet deep. It was deep enough in order to work. Samus and Bayonetta stepped back. The two took a breath as they threw their shovels aside for the time being. While this wasn't the proudest moment they had together, it was surely touching in an odd way for the two for them. It was nice for Bayonetta.

"I think I'm done!" Lucas said. The two looked over to seee Lucas covered in blood in all places. His face was the most covered spot. His shirt leaked with Pit's own blood. Despite being covered in the blood, Lucas still smiled as he looked over at Samus and Bayonetta. In his left hand, he held Pit's decapitated head that dripped with blood. The rest of Pit's sliced up body was behind Lucas.

"I'm so proud," Bayonetta said, choked up.

"I can't wait to see my own son grow up with such knowledge," Samus whispered.

Bayonetta and Samus walked over, grabbing the remaining body parts. While Lucas still held the head, he took one of Pit's legs to drag over to the hole. As the three threw in the body parts, Samus and Bayonetta saw that their arms were covered in blood, but it wasn't that much to be concerning. They ignored the blood, grabbing their shovels. Samus and Bayonetta started to push the dirt back in, padding it out as they slowly did it. Lucas watched, amazed.

"What the fuck-"

The three slowly turned around, shocked. Behind them all stood MegaMan who was very confused. Samus and Bayonetta froze, but they still held their shovels in their hands. Lucas's eyes were just widened as he stared at Rock.

"I'm too afraid to ask, so I'm just going to assume I'm not seeing everything correctly. But anyways, have any of you seen Pit? I was with him, but I then heard him," Rock asked.

"I think I saw him with Dark Pit last time around here, but other than that, I don't know where he was directly," Lucas was quick to reply.

"Okayyy, but-"

"Shut up. My son knew what he saw," Samus cut Rock off.

"I'm just going to leave now," Rock awkardly said before slowly walking off. Bayonetta, Samus, and Lucas all watched him until he was fully out of sight.

"Are we going to frame Dark Pit for this?" Lucas asked with a gasp.

"Why not?" Samus responded.

"We already got this far," Bayonetta chuckled.


End file.
